Spicin’It Up: FATSO!

“Hey Fatso!” I will never forget the first time I heard those words. They were spoken by a cute redheaded boy I had a crush on back in third grade. Until I was eight years old I didn’t even know I was overweight; and I guess my family didn’t either as they had never mentioned it. When I went home crying that night I asked my mom to tell me the truth and she said, “Sweetie, you are beautiful, you are healthy, you are talented and you are mine. But if it would make you feel better, I will make an appointment with Dr. Jackson and we can see what he says.” That was the first time “I ever went on a “diet” – but it certainly wouldn’t be my last.

I spent the next twenty years of my life self-conscious about my looks, what I ate and what I wore. My older sister was a cheerleader, size 6, and I couldn’t even wear her hand-me-downs. I gained the most weight when I was in high school, and then I would go on crash diets that wouldn’t last for long. No one was harder on me than I was on myself. I vowed that if I ever became a teacher like I wanted to, I would make sure none of my students ever called anyone hurtful names. It was a great goal, but of course I couldn’t fix the world.

It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s and married, that I began a healthy well-balanced eating program. It wasn’t a diet, it was a new way of living. I am proud to say that I did indeed become a teacher, and for the past thirty years I kept off 100 pounds. What I am most proud of is that while teaching, I was able in my school, to form groups and clubs, where all of my students could come to talk, encourage one another and feel accepted no matter their size, color, height, or anything else.

We began lunchtime Peer Mediation and Conflict Resolution groups open to all; and the news traveled quickly. By the following year, we had written our own stories and compiled them in a student play called Choices! Although we kept each story anonymous, we held auditions and performed this for the entire school. The local newspaper did a story on us and a local theater producer wanted to spread our stories even further. Funded by Bell Telephone, my students and I were hired for the summer to film for an educational Teachers Packet to be distributed to schools throughout the United States free of charge, so they could easily implement such programs in their school. We got calls and letters from all over the country thanking us for telling our stories. It was a bonus when the following year, the producer submitted Choices for a regional Emmy Award -and we won!

I have always believed ever since that first incident in third grade, that wherever you have been hurt the most is where God will use you to help others the most. You can have sympathy for other people going through a problem, but you have empathy for them when you’ve been there yourself. Perhaps that is why I have always loved the “underdog” and the kids who just didn’t seem to fit in. Perhaps that’s why I so wanted to help initiate The Alternative School in our district and mine was the first classroom to host full inclusion special needs students. I cried when I became Teacher of the Year; my students were the real award winners.

Several years later, upon retirement, I was one of five teachers nationwide inducted into the National Teachers Hall Of Fame. I now use that as a platform to speak in schools throughout the world about the importance of each child. Because my tender little heart was pierced by a mean name someone called me when I was only eight, I learned how to not waste the pain; where you’ve been hurt, help others. Once you have learned to be an over comer, you will be so much more motivated and capable of helping others. The boy who called me Fatso apologized many years later. But I had already forgiven him many years before. He didn’t know the ugly name that he called me would make me better – not bitter.

Thousands of people have now heard “my story”; maybe, just maybe, there are thousands more waiting to hear yours. Once you know how special and unique you are, you will truly believe the words of Dr. Seuss: Thousands of people have now heard “my story”; and just maybe, there are thousands more waiting to hear yours. Once you know how special and unique you are, you will truly believe the words of Dr. Seuss:

“Today you are You, that is truer than true.

There is no one alive who is “Youer” than You.”

What will you allow you to do?

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame, which followed her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to Teacher of the Year there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.

Spicin’ It Up: Daddy Danced

A lifelong athlete and WWII Navy Pilot, my dad had always been strong, muscular and handsome – my hero. When he had a stroke a few years ago we didn’t know if he would ever walk again. Then two years ago after surgery for a cerebral hemorrhage, he also became forgetful and at times lethargic. Then last year after his 89^th birthday he began to bounce back. I was able to take him to physical therapy several times a week and he was soon able to use all of the machines; but he still couldn’t walk. After he and Mom celebrated their 67^th wedding anniversary last September, it took us several weeks to convince him he would turn 90 in February.

As everyone began to tell him how good he looked and how well he was doing, he set a goal for himself. For his 90^th birthday he wanted to go to Florida, take all the family with him and celebrate by going to dinner and out to dance. Mom and dad had been married during the big band era and they were the Queen and King of jitterbug. Just 10 years ago they even won a jitterbug contest in Las Vegas Nevada. Unfortunately being able to dance was something my father’s Dr. told him may never happen again. But Dad didn’t remember this, and so we began exercising and training for his big event.

In all honesty, none of us – especially Mom – could envision this event actually coming to pass. But were we ever wrong! We had spent the week having fun at Disney World, the Holy Land Experience, basking in the sun and visiting with friends and family. Still, Daddy kept talking about the big dance event coming up. The only dinner and dance club we could find, was BB King’s House of Blues. Hundreds of young people gather there on a Friday or Saturday night; I doubt that very few, if any, have ever celebrated their 90^th birthday there.

After a four-course filet mignon dinner, I accompanied my mother into the restroom, where I saw she was visibly nervous and very apprehensive. Daddy had not walked by himself in three years, and Mom had given up on the idea of them ever dancing again. I explained to her that my brother was going to help Daddy to the dance floor when they announced his birthday and he would hold him up while they symbolically danced for 30 seconds or so; but Dad had far different plans.

As the club was jam-packed, my brother and I tried to figure a pathway from our table to the dance floor. Knowing that he would practically have to carry Daddy and maneuver him through the crowd, we came up with a new idea. Seated at the front table were two nice young sales executives in Florida on business who graciously agreed to let our parents sit at their table for a few minutes until the band’s lead singer announced Dad’s birthday. Three songs and an eternity later, my brother was still standing near the front while our parents chatted with the young men.

Finally, the moment had arrived. As I watched the lead singer stride toward the front microphone and glance toward my parents and smile, I gripped my video camera and headed to the dance floor. I shamefully admit my intention was to catch 20 seconds or so of my parents in an embrace without showing my brother holding Daddy up. All I remember from that point is praying, “God please help Daddy stay up!” Yes, I still believe in miracles, but what transpired even I had never anticipated. The entire dance floor cleared away – including my brother. I saw the panic on my mom’s face, but it was indeed short-lived. Through a soulful, bluesy four-minute rendition of “Ain’t Nobody’s Business” Dad and Mom danced, embraced, and even kissed as hundreds of young people applauded the celebration of a 90-year-old World War II veteran’s promise to himself and his bride of 67 years, that they would dance. And indeed they did.

I would like to be able to say that Dad was able to walk back to our table by himself, his legs perfectly healed; but that had not been his promise – or our prayer. As my brother helped him through the crowd, there were cheers, tears, and a standing ovation for the beautiful white-haired couple who were not through celebrating life. As a matter of fact, one of the young men who had shared his table by the dance floor with them walked back to us and announced that he had picked up the entire bill for our whole table – steaks, drinks, tips – everything. We practically insisted that he not do this, but through tears he explained, “You see, I recently went through a nasty divorce. Seeing your mom and dad so in love after all of these years has given me renewed hope that God may have the right one still waiting for me.” Perhaps it was for him, as well as the rest of us, that in that miraculous moment, on his 90^th birthday, Daddy danced!

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame, which followed her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to Teacher of the Year there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.

Spicin’ it Up: Passover, Easter or Both?

Several years ago my husband and I had the pleasure of visiting Egypt and Israel along with a Rabbi and his wife who made the whole experience very enlightening for us as Christians. We were such good friends that we actually enjoyed learning of both our similarities and differences as we visited all the Holy sites. I finally began to understand for the first time the connection, and our basis of having the first five books of the Christian Old Testament, the Jewish Torah. My biggest question to Rabbi Levi was how our Easter fit in with Passover, and he was much more knowledgeable than I. Years later I now know both the dates and the Spiritual connection for Christians.

This year, Passover, or Pesach in Hebrew, began at sundown on March 25^th and ends at sundown on April 2. For us Christians, or those who may simply not know, this is the holiday commemorating the Hebrews’ exodus from slavery in Egypt, as Moses led them out and on to the Promised Land. It lasts seven days and begins on the 15th day of Nisan, which is the seventh month in the Jewish calendar and ends on the 21st of Nisan in Israel and for Reform Jews. Since Hebrew days begin and end at sundown, Passover begins at sundown on the preceding day. Easter is calculated as the first Sunday after the paschal full moon that occurs on or after the vernal equinox. If the full moon falls on a Sunday, then Easter is the following Sunday. The holiday can occur anywhere between March 22 and April 25.
For those of us who call ourselves Christians and celebrate Easter, it hopefully means more than a new dress or suit for church (if we go at all) However, for the “secular” it may simply mean decorated eggs hidden for the kids by the “Easter Bunny.” But if you want to know what it really means and how it relates to Passover for us Christians, The Council of Nicaea in 325 established that Easter would be celebrated on Sundays. Before that Easter was celebrated on different days in different places in the same year and actually wasn’t called Easter until later.

Last year, a friend of mine who was born and raised Jewish but later converted to Christianity, invited me to her place of Worship which still holds all the Jewish traditions and celebrations. She said, “The only difference I have now is that I believe Jesus was indeed the Messiah.” So even though many of my traditional Jewish friends strongly disagreed, for the first time I celebrated Passover. Since it is in remembrance of the time in Israel’s history when the angel of the Lord moved through Egypt destroying the firstborn of all people and animals (see Exodus 11 and 12.) I felt strongly this was part of my Judeo-Christian heritage as well. This was the final of the ten plagues God visited upon Egypt designed to force Pharaoh to let the Israelites leave the country and their captivity. The Israelites were commanded by God to take the blood of a male lamb—one without blemish—and smear it on the doorposts of their houses. When the angel of the Lord saw the blood, he would “pass over” that house. For Christians, this is a foreshadowing of the spotless Lamb of God, Jesus, whose blood would cover the sins of those who believe in Him, causing God’s judgment to pass over them. Ever since that night, Jews have celebrated the Passover in remembrance of God’s grace to them.
There has been an explosion of interest in adapting the Passover festival to Christianity. Various organizations, such as Jews for Jesus, have long promoted Christian Passover services as a means for Messianic Jews to retain their cultural heritage while professing their Christian faith. They have also used the Christian Passover as a means to communicate to Christians the Jewish religious heritage that they value. I was deeply moved as this was an understanding for me of how the Passover Seder has application to my Christian faith; and a Christian celebration of the Passover provides a unique way to bring the story of salvation to the ceremony. So whether or not a Christian celebrates Passover would be a matter of conscience for the individual Christian. Like all the Old Testament Jewish Feasts, for Christians the Passover Feast was a foreshadowing of Christ’s atoning work on the cross. We are told in the book of Colossians that we should “let no one judge you in food or in drink, or regarding a festival or a new moon or Sabbaths, which are a shadow of things to come, but the substance is of Christ” Christians are no longer bound to observe the Passover feast the way the Old Testament Jews were, but they should not look down upon another believer who does or does not observe the Passover or other special Jewish days and feasts

While it is not required for Christians to celebrate the Passover, it is beneficial to study it and could be beneficial to celebrate it if it leads to a greater understanding and appreciation for Christ’s death and resurrection. The Passover is a wonderful picture of Christ’s atonement for His people and His deliverance of us from the bondage of sin. That is something we should celebrate every day of our lives.
Whether you are Christian or Jewish, or other or “nothing,” I do hope you take this time to seek and explore for yourself. My search took me a long time in my life to make my decision, but what a difference it made for me – literally life and death.

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame upon her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to Teacher of the Year there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.

Spicin’ it Up: Back to the Future

Growing up in the 1950’s, I remember the exotic cruise my grandparents took to a very familiar destination for Americans – Cuba. They brought me back a pair of castanets, which I still have to this day. However, after the Bay of Pigs and the time of the Cold War, an embargo was set and Americans were no longer welcome in Cuba. I didn’t think much about it again until recently when I received one of our travel brochures in the mail. My husband and I have traveled to 65 other foreign countries but never thought Cuba would one day be on our agenda. However that all changed when we had the opportunity to travel with People to People, a recently opened cultural exchange between the two countries. Although we had to sign several government forms and purchase Cuban insurance, the process was relatively easy.

My husband has always called me Lucy as I somewhat resemble Lucille Ball and my actions definitely resemble her antics. Through the years of our forty-year marriage I have contrived more schemes and pulled more pranks on my husband than most spouses would ever put up with. So indeed I deserved the name “Luuuuuuucy. “ I even have a friend who also agrees and as my sidekick, even calls herself Ethel. Since my husband and I were going with a group that we did not know and traveling to a once forbidden country, you can understand his trepidation when we were given instructions to “not deviate from the group nor the agenda.” Although I promised him I wouldn’t, I too questioned my ability to stick to the requirements.

Once we arrived at the Havana airport, I was startled to see we were landing in what appeared to be 1950s America. When the embargo was placed on American products coming into Cuba in 1959, no more automobiles were brought in on the once frequent ships. The Soviet Union and Cuba formed a partnership shortly thereafter, but automobiles were too expensive to bring across the ocean. Thus it was cheaper for the Cubans to fix up the old American Chevrolets and Ford’s of the 1930’s, ‘40s and 50’s. They soon became experts at restoration. Personal automobiles, taxis, and even work related vehicles – including trucks, looked as though they were all straight out of America 1959.

Our first day there, we were so enamored with all the old autos, we seemed to take pictures of every automobile on the road. However by the third or fourth day this had become the norm and now we were more enchanted with the carts and donkeys and horses and even bulls that were used not only on the farms, but also on the highways and even in the cities.

Every evening our director would take us to one of the local restaurants, replete with Cuban bands and entertainers. Since the singers and the band looked as if they had stepped out of the old black and white I Love Lucy television programs, of course I was the first to volunteer when they tried to involve the audience. Whenever there was a musical instrument to be played, a song to be sung or a dance to be danced, I became “Lucy.” My husband of course expected this, but the rest of our group was a little taken back until I told them I was a retired drama teacher, and then they understood. Having traveled in Central and South America and recently Spain and Portugal as well, I have always jumped at every chance to join the lively groups. I have fallen in love with the Latin music and Hispanic people and so I was an easy mark to be selected as an audience “volunteer.”

As a retired teacher and now motivational speaker, I was so excited when our tour instructions informed us that we would be able to bring in certain items for the children and local artists. Of course I packed an entire suitcase filled with art supplies, booklets, pencils and pens, necklaces and beads and all kinds of items for the craft making. Every place we went there seemed to be a cultural awareness and local involvement not as prevalent in other places. I have come to believe it is because the internet and world television has not yet bombarded Cuba. Children are yet unspoiled by the ubiquitous technology that we have here in America. Of course I would be the first to agree that technology is a necessity, and America was on the forefront. However, to see children still playing jump rope, stickball, and old-fashioned hide-and-go seek sent me immediately back to my own childhood.

We were allowed to visit schools and the teachers gratefully accepted our bags of supplies as most of them have learned to do with practically nothing. Again, as a teacher I was torn since I know the importance of financial assistance here in the United States. However, in Cuba the decorations on the walls were handmade, the books were decades old, and the teachers make less than one dollar American per day. As a matter of fact, an article about Cuba appearing in Newsweek last year told of a medical doctor who said that he made more on weekends driving a taxi for tourists than he made in a month as a medical doctor. As an American, I understand the importance of the initial embargo and mandatory separation of the two countries. But the teacher and human side of me fell in love with the people, the land, and especially the children.

Every time we went around the corner or traveled a block or two in the big cities there remained signs of the communism and the socialistic aspect of the country. Of course it was expected that we would face propaganda of the old regime. Che Guevara, the Castro brothers, and the old alliances were ever present. Once the Soviet Union’s economy collapsed in the 1990s, support from Chavez, President of Venezuela, became the life force of Cuba. Now with his imminent death and expected reduced support, the people there told us that the railroads, the highways and buildings were already being primed for the financial structure soon to be in a partnership with China.

Things are much more complicated than when we sat around the huge TV sets as families did fifty years ago. Americans were enamored with Lucille Ball and Ricky Ricardo and his Cuban band of the 1950’s. I was still enamored with the people, the music, and the flavor of Cuba. But I must never forget all that has transpired through the years and the reason we have been unable to travel there until now. So in one sense this “Lucy” loves the people, but hates the politics. Just as when returning from other “third World countries” on our many voyages, once again we vowed to never live such extravagant and wasteful lives. Yet now three weeks later, we have returned to cable, social media, new cars and wasting food. So just as Cuba seem to be “back to the future” so America is future-bound. I only hope and pray as the doors re-open, there is some way to help the people and get around the politics without intruding on our own ideals. I still believe America is the most blessed of all countries; but I also believe we are blessed to be a blessing.

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame, which followed her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to Teacher of the Year there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.

Spicin’ It Up: Here and Now

My Dad will turn 90 next month; we are taking him to Disney World again for his birthday.  “Daddy,” I asked, “won’t it be fun to ride Space Mountain again like you did on your 80th birthday?” His reply, “I don’t remember my 80th birthday.” Having had grandparents that lived to be almost 100, and having just celebrated my parents’ 65th anniversary on a Caribbean cruise (which Dad says he doesn’t remember either) I have come to the conclusion that family celebrations and memories don’t have to be remembered by everyone. Don’t get me wrong, I love to reminisce about past celebrations of holidays and great times with family and friends. And I look forward to special birthdays and anniversaries to come. But recently I have reached a stage in life where I  purposefully determine to live in the moment. Of course I love to look at old photos – especially with family and friends as we reminisce about old times. But that experience is in itself enjoying the moment. Then that later becomes a memory itself. So if Daddy doesn’t remember the cruise or his 80th birthday, then looking at the pictures may or may not be remembered as well. So what?  We both enjoy the experience of looking at them, and living it all over again.

Not many people in their sixties have both of their parents living, and in fairly good health, and able to travel. Since I am one of those fortunate ones, I purposely cherish every moment I have with my parents, even weekly trips to the Doctor, physical therapy, or going to church.

Unlike Dad, my mother remembers everything – even times from my past that I wish she would forget. Yet even those times can now be filtered through the lenses of time, perspective and forgiveness.  Dad, on the other hand, remembers people and events from his childhood and school years. So I bask in the telling and re-telling of his days of growing up during  The Depression, being runner up to playing Tom Sawyer in an old MGM film, and even the name he gave his dog in 1928. He can name each of his classmates from his high school graduation of 1940 and their parents and grandparents as well. With vivid description he can recall dropping out of college to join the Navy during WWII. While in training to become a Naval pilot, he was stationed at Millington Naval Base outside of Memphis Tennessee, where his “love story” begins. Almost daily, he becomes teary-eyed every time he tells how he first saw the “Southern belle with the cute legs and long black hair” who was a sophomore at the University of Tennessee near their Naval Base. He has told us over and over the story of their first kiss under an old elm tree and how he knew from that minute on they would share their lives together. He usually ends the story with, “If I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.” Then when he gets the laugh this always evokes, as if on cue, he reminds us that there are only two words a fellow needs for a successful marriage of 65 years, “Yes, Dear.”

So my Dad has taught me the importance of selective memory. Who cares if he doesn’t remember what he had for breakfast? Thank God he doesn’t remember the cerebral hemorrhage and near death experience he encountered a few years back. We remember it all too well. We accept the fact that he may or may not remember birthdays, or anniversaries or even family names at times. The important thing – at least for now -  is that I and the rest of our family remember all these things and don’t mind repeating them over and over again for Dad. Whenever we start to get exasperated or lose patience, we stop and recite the Serenity Prayer and thank God for the ninety-year-old man who is still the patriarchal head of our family, even if in title only. We are grateful for what we have in the present, and don’t even project what the future may hold. Whatever and whenever change comes, we will have the assurance that we have cherished every prolonged moment we were given.

I still love to just sit and hold the hand of the Daddy who ran behind me as he held me up on my first two wheeler. I cherish walking arm in arm with the handsome man who walked me down the aisle 40 years ago. I thank God he has forgotten all of my “terrible teen” years; I am grateful that he only remembers me as his precious Baby Girl, which is what he still calls me. More than anything, I too fight back tears several times a day, when he mumbles, “I am so glad God gave me the most beautiful, wonderful caring wife in the world.” He doesn’t even notice in the morning when her thinning white hair is sticking out like that of an old troll doll; he doesn’t care if she has her dentures in or not. All he sees is the beautiful young girl he married during WWII and who has lived by her vows to “love and honor him, in sickness or in health,  until death do they part.”

So we have learned to live in the present. We laugh as if we are hearing his old jokes for the first time;  we smile and nod as he tells us every day how they met; and we hug him and tell him how much we love him as he daily tells us the same. These are the memories I will cherish as long as I have memory. And for that I remain eternally grateful.

 

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame, which followed her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to Teacher of the Year there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.

Spicin’ It Up: S.O.S. Secret of Success

What would you say if you were told that the real secret of success was something no one ever wanted to do, but all must do in order to truly succeed? Few of us have ever had to actually be rescued by using the S.O.S. distress signal. Most of us couldn’t produce the Morse code dot and dash message by telegraph, flags or even blinking lights if our life depended on it! But I dare say that all of us have reached places in our lives where we knew the meaning of the word desperation. To various degrees we have all experienced our share of problems, whether physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, or a plethora of other sources. No one is immune to troubles and difficulties, though we spend most of our lives striving to be so.

As a radio and television talk show host, I have interviewed celebrities and dignitaries, many of whom would be considered among the most successful people on the face of this planet. From the President of the United States to movie stars, famous recording artists or sports figures, I always ask them to share their personal success stories. I have also interviewed many “unsung heroes” who by certain measures would not seem to be the epitome of what the world calls “successful.” However, in their own circle of influence and in their personal lives, they may indeed be aptly labeled as successful. So what is this elusive common denominator for achieving real success, and what does it have to do with the S.O.S signal?

As a University professor and retired English teacher, I must emphasize the necessity of first defining the term success. To Mr. Webster it includes: satisfactory completion of a goal or the gaining of wealth and fame. To many, success is often measured in name recognition, status, power, wealth, or prestige. But I would be remiss if I didn’t challenge you to consider the definition from one of my favorite authors, Ralph Waldo Emerson, who I believe has captured the real essence of success:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Obviously achieving the above does not depend on whether one is or is not part of the “rich and famous” but whether one can truly both achieve and maintain such a lofty standard. I believe this is not only possible, but here lies the paradox in the means by which real success is attained. The S.O.S. secret of success that few seem to know and no one would want is failure. Yes, virtually every truly successful man or woman throughout history can attribute his or her ultimate success to past failure. This may have been in the form of a major loss, a setback, a tragedy, an unexpected illness, a personal disappointment, a professional demise or numerous unattained goals. But in almost every historical, professional or personal example I have ever known, these very failures can and often have been used as catalysts toward achieving success. Thus begins my contention that when we reach the end of our proverbial rope and submit our own unique cry of S.O.S., in whatever form that may take, then what seemed to be the end may actually be the beginning. If we will not just ignore the areas where we have failed but actually use them as learning tools, we can then find keys that unlock new paths, unexplored resources, and capable mentors. With this comes the inevitable confrontation with self -- which can be either our worst enemy or best friend. One of the most difficult things for independent, self-sufficient, highly motivated people to do is to admit we all need help from time to time and that we all fail from time to time. Invariably when we read the biographies of some of the most successful men and women of our time, as paradoxical as this may seem, the very failures that each of them experienced became only the first chapter in their life’s book. I also submit to you that each and every one at some point in his or her life had to face the proverbial “man in the mirror.” How ironic that this became one of Michael Jackson’s greatest hits, and yet no one can now ever be sure that he did indeed take a long look at that ‘man in the mirror.” So I must ask myself, “Have I?” I challenge you to do likewise.

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame, which followed her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to Teacher of the Year there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.

SPICIN’ IT UP: Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter

 

Don’t you hate it when people say to you, “It’s all in your mind, you know.” Whether I have been trying to lose weight, quit smoking, or not worry about something, I have inadvertently heard these great words of wisdom through the years. Once I came to understand  the truth behind the cliché, I really began to notice the application to my life. Trying to quell habits has never really helped anyway; the battle really is in the mind.

All who know me agree I am one of the most positive people they have known. Those who knew me some thirty years ago would say the opposite. I was depressed, hated the world and was even suicidal. However, in the years following, I learned by the grace of God to turn my life around physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Through thirty years of teaching, speaking and traveling all over the world, I have come to truly believe that almost everything begins with one’s thought life. I, like others who have been a prisoner to our own way of thinking, can learn to be both positive and productive. There’s no question that in general I am a positive person. Contrary to the belief of some, I am not a Pollyanna; I do not wear rose-colored glasses and I do not wear blinders. Having been negative and cynical for the first 25 years of my life, I am fully able to be empathetic with those who still are. Yet knowing reality and choosing to react in a different mindset is what makes all the difference.

Having been one of  the co-founders of a St. Louis alternative school,  I loved the challenge of motivating the unmotivated. I faced teens who were so much like I had been in high school that I seemed to instinctively know how to deal with them. Also as an adjunct professor in the Master’s Program at Webster University for ten years, I found I often empathized with my professional adult learners in the same way. My lesson titled “On Fire or Burned Out” was extremely beneficial to both ends of the spectrum. Believe me, as a thirty five year educator, I know teachers are overworked and underpaid. However, the choice to enjoy the journey day by day, or to just survive until retirement depends on the mindset of the individual teacher – or for students,  professionals, parents, spouses, virtually anyone!

One of my favorite community activities through the years has been  prison ministry. Even here in the prison population, there is an opportunity to change one’s mind – if not the circumstances. When given the simple gift of hope, it often becomes a first time opportunity to realize they do have a choice – a new  “boot camp experience” so to speak. Inmates learn they can take advantage of the available schooling, classes, religious and legal studies. Many for the first time are making plans for when they get out. Even those with a life sentence behind bars have a choice as to what kind of life they will have; what they make of it is truly up to them. For others, I see them return year after year, still as negative, still caught up in the same mindset that they can never stop the endless cycle. No one ever said it would be easy, but I have known millionaires who seemed to “have it all”, who are trapped in their own self-imposed prisons of the their minds. Hence, they live incapacitated, though not incarcerated.

Have you ever heard a negative person say that they aren’t negative, they’re just being ‘realistic’? That’s so untrue and only perpetuates a state of negativity. A person’s thoughts, whether positive or negative, have an effect on every aspect of their life. Because if one sees things in a negative – even hopeless light –it becomes a downward spiral. I have come to believe the saying that, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are probably right.” With a positive mental attitude, one seeks out positive choices and expects positive results. My husband and I have been in over sixty foreign countries, many of them third world countries where the people have virtually nothing. Yet when there is hope, purpose and a positive mindset, we have seen people in the most adverse circumstances move past fear and discouragement and even enjoy life. We have observed folks succeeding at things others may believe “can’t be done.”

There is an old adage that says "Perception is reality.” Think about it. A person’s thinking helps determine their reality. Negative thinking is realistic for the negative thinker, but only because their thoughts make it true. Ironically, the positive thinker also sees reality, just in a different light. Two people can experience the same adversity; yet one grows because of it while the other gives up.

An example is two brothers I had as students who grew up in what they called “The Projects” here in St. Louis. They both were raised by an elderly grandmother since their father was in prison and their mother was an alcoholic. One ended up homeless, doing and selling drugs, with no hope for his future. The other worked hard in school, went on to college and became a wealthy, successful businessman. When asked what the difference was, the first son replied, “With an alcoholic father in prison and no mother, I had no choice.” The second successful son replied, “With an alcoholic father in prison and no mother, I had no choice.” Of course both had an equal choice; one chose to use his circumstances as a negative excuse to fail; the other chose to work hard and use his circumstances to learn, grow and overcome. And so it is for you and me. Our “gutters” in life can become ruts we can no longer get out of, or we can use them to find the stepping stones out of those ruts. We all have a choice.

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame upon her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to Teacher of the Year there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.

Spicin’ It Up: The Older I Get, The Longer I Live

Is that all there is? Many people say life is just a vicious cycle of ups and downs, and I agree to a point. However, the difference between having a positive and negative attitude is not what happens in those ups and downs but how we respond to them. For instance, having an ache or a pain can make us appreciate the times when we are well and feel great. Or on the other hand we can  spout  long dissertations on all of our increasing aches and pains, past operations and the misery of just being alive.

There is a common myth that says, “Once a negative thinker, always a negative thinker.” I am living proof that it is not true. There are two ends of the spectrum – death or life. If only it were that simple. Life is complicated unless we learn to literally change our minds. Believe me, it took me many years to learn how to be a positive thinker.

The man who first got me into public speaking was my former principal where I taught, Mr. Tom Kopplin. Tom had left his position at the school to be a full time public speaker. He was the one who introduced me to the term and system of PMA, Positive Mental Attitude. He said, “Deb, I am going to mentor you as a public speaker, because you already have such a positive mental attitude about everything.”

The year was 1999 and I had definitely swung my attitude pendulum to the “right” side. Tom just supposed I had always been that way and thought I would be the perfect person to represent the PMA model. Tom loved speaking and became proficient in taking on “characters” whom he portrayed to help the audience get his point. However,  Tom didn’t live out the positive life he portrayed.

For those of you who have ever experienced living with severe pain, or raising a disabled child, or battling chronic depression, you might understand Tom’s dilemma. He experienced all of these while centering his professional life around helping others and making them laugh. His goal in speaking was to help others  have a positive mental attitude. But Tom never learned the all-important step of self-application; he just simply couldn’t practice what he preached.

I loved Tom and his whole family, especially his severely disabled daughter Katy who was one of my English and Drama students for all four years  of her high school. Tragically she died when she was a young adult, and Tom never got over her loss. I had tried to cheer him every time I saw him, and took him books, tapes and invited him to my speeches. I even took him to a Billy Graham crusade here in St. Louis and prayed with him. The last time I saw Tom was when I went to visit him in a nursing home. He had practically stopped eating and his precious wife was beside herself with worry. He was asleep, in a fetal position, wearing a diaper.

Many folks have unresolved issues in their lives just as Tom did. He had been abandoned and later adopted as a child, but had overcome insurmountable mountains to become a high school principal, professional public speaker and loving husband and father. However, Tom, like many of us, failed  to overcome his own personal demons while spending his life helping others to do so. I never gave up on Tom, though he gave up on himself.

Why is it that some people seem to be able to overcome, yet others just sink lower and lower in their valleys? Many would say that therapy, medication, psychiatry, even shock treatment was their answer. All I know is that by way of personal experience, I grasped at one last straw that Tom was so reluctant to grab; and that is what personally kept me from self destruction and suicide when I was in my own personal pit.

The Carl Jung psychological model of mankind is where I first saw it put into theory; by then I had already put it into practice. Dr. Jung contended that the only way a person can reach “wholeness” in life is by living a balanced life, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Tom was unwilling to grasp the ”spiritual” which I believe would have opened the mental and emotional well-being he so desired. Because I had been deficient in all four of these areas, and even today must keep all of them in check, the scientific, medical,  theological, and psychological research of our day backs up all of this.

Perhaps I was one of those who learn through trial and error, and believe me there were many trials and a whole lot of error! But over and over again in all of my teaching, speaking, radio, television and traveling I have met real people with real-life stories who confirm this truth in their own changed lives.

I have no idea what you may be facing today, but I know one thing for sure: if you are willing to take a close examination of your life and allow those closest to you to have input, you will see which of these four areas of the Jung model you need most to improve. Then if you are willing to seek help in that fine balancing act you must learn, you will later see that living “happily ever after” can indeed be a reality. After all, the older you get, the longer you live. How you live out those years is entirely up to you. “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened.” Don’t just grow old, just grow.

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame, which followed her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to Teacher of the Year there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.

Shakin’ the Salt: Where are Our Schools of Yesterday?

 

I write this week from a suburb of Dallas – Boyd, Texas, where I am speaking to the teachers for the opening of schools. I have several hundred teachers, staff, administrators and school board members in the audience. Three common concerns keep coming up: test scores, the economy, and children’s future. These are pretty much the same general concerns in schools all around the world – unless you live in an area that has recently been through a hurricane, or tornado, or earthquake, or drought, or flood, or Heaven forbid – a terrorist activity. This small suburban school still has the structure, values, and activities that were pretty much in place when I was in school. I reminded them how blessed they were to have neighbors down the street that know one another, parents looking out for all the children, and teachers who genuinely care about every student.

I had a speaking engagement in New York City, one year after the tragedy of 9/11. Words cannot express all that my husband and I experienced as we talked with the fire marshal of the World Financial Center at Ground Zero. After personally seeing both planes crash into the Twin Towers right next door to his own building, he was personally responsible for evacuating 6000 lives. He shared his story of how he prayed throughout the whole ordeal and how that allowed him to stay calm and fulfill his duty with no further lost lives. Along with my interview with him, I spoke with a mother and her 5 year old child as they placed flowers and a Bible on the picture of the firefighter who had been at little Cici’s pre-school on Sept. 10 that year. His last day on earth was spent in service.

We know that none of us will ever forget. Yet, the theme I kept hearing over and over from Texas to St. Louis to New York, from the school where I spoke, to the everyday people we met on the subway was the same. Even the excellent sermon we heard delivered at the Times Square Church was “Tragedy to Triumph.” I shared with the teachers in Texas today, “where we have been hurt the most is where we can help others the most.” The upcoming 9/11 anniversary reminds us again. There is a great scripture in Genesis that says, “What the enemy meant for harm, God will use for good.” Those families who lost loved ones could never imagine any good coming from such devastation, but eleven years later we are still hearing of such accounts.

Isn’t this the parallel in our lives as well? Wasn’t it in the humbling times when we were literally brought to the end of ourselves that many of us realized our source of strength was found on our knees? One teacher today told of her little eight year old daughter who is a cancer survivor. Another told how their whole school came together to help when there was a tragic fire. Out of adversity we all seem to eventually find strength, compassion and love.

Sometimes we go down that old negative guilt trip path of even beating ourselves up worse because we don’t have things as bad as other people do. Then we see them overcome so much more, we begin the self-defeating mind set of listening to that old negative tape we run: “You ought to be ashamed of yourself; look what so-and-so did and you can’t even keep going; you are a failure and always will be.”

We have to stop that old tape that keeps playing in our head! The first step in breaking that vicious cycle is to be aware when that stinking thinking begins. You may not be able to prevent the negative thoughts from coming in the first place, any more than most people will be unable to prevent tragedies in their lives. But this is where we do have a choice: when the negative thoughts pop in (and they will- you can expect them) as soon as you are aware of that negative thinking STOP. I mean right there and then, stop in your tracks and realize you are back in that rut of negative thinking. It may have been a self-defeating thought, it may have been the instant re-play of your past tragedies, just like the news stations who every year keep playing the 9/11 scenes over and over. Anytime we dwell on the past pain or allow anger, resentment or frustration to rule us, we are giving in to the enemy within. It doesn’t matter who, what or where, or how horrible the thought was, this is where we can stop the negative thinking and choose to turn it into positive action.

I will be speaking in the morning to a Senior Citizens group from the Lindbergh School District where I retired from teaching high school a decade ago. Believe it or not, in many ways things are better. The test scores are at the top in the state; extra-curricular activities involve almost all students, and students who will be graduating in 2013 were only five years old when the twin towers went down. Personally I hope and pray they will never have to face such news, much less here in our own “backyards.” But realistically and statistically speaking, there will be drugs and alcohol offered to them, they will be tempted to cheat on tests, there will be horrific accidents and sickness. I could go on and on, but that’s not the way the American spirit moves. Our nation will once again mourn the 9/11 tragedy , and well we should; we will do our best as parents, teachers and citizens to help the next generation; we will live in small communities – even within large cities where we have opportunities to make a difference. The Texas teachers who chose to share a difficult part of their lives, just as I shared mine with them, were gaining victory over those very tragedies. That indeed is turning tragedy to triumph. It’s the very best we all can do. So where are our schools of yesteryear? They are still here; remodeled, technologically updated, more sophisticated, and more advanced in all ways. But the hearts and minds of all those hopeful children are still the same; and so are those of parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches and youth workers. Only when that changes will we have no hope. Yesterday, today and forever, may there always be hope. I choose to believe there will be.

Spicin it Up: Where Ya’ Been and Where Ya’ Goin’?

 

 

“Where did you go to high school” is always the number one question of St. Louisans. But one of my favorite questions as a journalist is, “If you could accomplish one thing in life, what would it be?” In everyday terms, it would be, “Where ya’ goin’?” Everybody’s going somewhere, but how many really choose their own destination? Everybody has a dream, but few actually accomplish theirs.

As an educator, talk show host and speaker, I have learned through the years that the most successful people not only set goals, but every day they try to do something to work toward those goals. Therefore, we are all told that we must resolve every day to make the very best of each day. We are told that it really doesn’t matter where you’ve been, what really matters is where you are now and you’re headed. No matter what you have accomplished in the past, or where you have failed in the past, what matters is now. The very best days, weeks, months and years of your life could lie ahead. Of course everyone has goals of some kind. Then why is it that some people seem to accomplish their goals far more consistently than others do. The answer seems obvious. People who accomplish goals at a higher rate are people who put action to their desires. It all sounds so reasonable and so practical. For some of us, it’s a constant battle however.

A few years back I was interviewed on one of our local television networks for being “one of three featured St. Louisans who has managed to be successful in spite of having Adult ADHD.” For those of you who are not familiar with the term, ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It is defined as “having a problem with inattentiveness, over-activity, impulsivity, or a combination.” For these problems to be diagnosed as ADHD, they must be out of the normal range for both the age and development. I tested in the 98% range when I was in my forties and fully developed. I explained to the talk show host how I learned through my students as well as research, it is imperative for those of us in this category to try even harder to succeed since two of the most important qualities of success are focus and concentration. Focus means knowing exactly what it is you want and concentration means having the discipline to keep a single-minded approach on one thing until it is complete.

If you can attain both of these qualities you can accomplish virtually anything. The starting point of setting goals is what Stephen Covey says in essence, “Begin with the end in mind.” Project forward to the end of this year and ask yourself, "If everything happens as I want, what will it look like?" Of course there will be obstacles and setbacks, but isn’t it better to aim high and not quite get there, than to aim low and hit the mark?

So personally I have to use certain techniques to keep from procrastinating or getting off task. I know the right things to do. I even teach others to set goals for every part of their life so that they all work together, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, emotionally and relationally, like a balanced wheel that goes around smoothly in every respect. You need goals for your health, for your career, for your finances, for your relationships, for your personal and professional development, for your community and for your spiritual growth. Nothing happens by accident. Everything happens for a reason. Other than an act of God or outside circumstances beyond your control, most things are happening in your life because you make them happen, not because you sit around and wait for them to happen. So I add three criteria to my life to help me daily:

1) I commit to paper both short term and long term goals. (my bucket list)

2) I allow myself a lot of creative play time (motivators and rewards)

3) I have accountability partners who keep me on track (my husband, my assistant, my mother)

There are a few professional steps to help stay on track as well. One is for you to decide exactly what you want. This places you in a separate category because most people have no idea of what they really want. Clarity is the most important single quality of goal-setting and perhaps the most important single quality of success. Fear of failure is the greatest single obstacle to success in adult life. And the fear of failure can work on you subconsciously by blocking you from setting clear specific goals.

Another important criterion is to set a deadline. If it is a large goal, set a series of sub-deadlines. A deadline acts as a "forcing system" on your subconscious mind and begins to move you toward your goal more quickly. If you don’t make the deadline, set another one. If it is too late for what you were wanting to accomplish, bite the bullet, learn from it and go to another goal.

For me, the greatest impetus is to simply do something! A baby step, an outline, a phone call, anything that requires action usually gets me going in the right direction. You will have to find your own tricks as well as your own obstacles, but if you want something bad enough you can usually find a way to get there. When all else fails, PUSH! Pray Until Something Happens. One word of caution: be careful what you pray for; you just might get it

Dr. Debra Peppers, a professional speaker for 25 years, is one of only five inducted into the National Teachers Hall of Fame upon her retirement from Lindbergh High School. A member of the National Speakers Association, she has traveled to all 50 states and 60 countries teaching others that if she can go from being a 250-pound high school dropout, to the National Teachers Hall of Fame, there is hope for every child and adult. Her web site is http://www.pepperseed.org.